


HEARTLESS

by Turbidus_Nox



Category: Wizard Of Oz (1939)
Genre: Cute, One Shot, Other, Sarcasm
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-07-14
Updated: 2012-07-14
Packaged: 2017-11-09 22:21:23
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,028
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/459118
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Turbidus_Nox/pseuds/Turbidus_Nox
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>the Tin man's POV</p>
            </blockquote>





	HEARTLESS

Heartless  
-This is my story (Tin Man)-

I was ‘born’ in the industrial part of South Oz City back in ’39, when some old lady built me to replace her husband. Apparently, she was really sad when he died and wanted a new guy in her life. Unfortunately for both of us, she never gave me a heart. She died of a broken heart before she could finish me. So here I am, on my own – heartless, as it were. I really need to get to downtown Oz and find a heart of my own so I can start over. I spent a few weeks idling around trying to find a decent map, but then some mean old woman with a crazy laugh decided to mess up my life and made it pour cats and dogs on me for no reason and now I can’t reach my oil can to save my life. Literally. What a hag.

***

I can still feel the rain rolling down my face, but I am powerless to wipe it from my brow. I am really starting to hate this weather. I’m in an empty pasture, forgotten hidden behind a bush where the old hag…I mean…Wicked Witch of the West, left me. Whoever dropped a house on her sister should watch out, she wants blood, I mean ‘shoes’. At first I thought it was code for something magic or super powerful, but apparently, she really just wants some shoes. Talk about an obsession. The woman is seriously disturbed.

Ugghhhhhhhhhhhhh! Why has no one noticed me out here? I’m 6’2 and made completely out of a reflective material! But no! All these short little people running around can’t be very bright if they never bother looking around them to see where the squeaky cries for help are coming from. I mean, the oil can is sitting on the ground right next to me! The irony! They just assume it’s the WWW and scamper off into hiding. Cowards. I’m going to be stuck out here forever. All I want to do is get to Oz so I can get someone to give me a heart. 

The only consolation I’ve got while I stand here, rusting in the middle of nowhere, is the fact that my head was tilted to the right ever so slightly when it started raining. At least I’m getting HBO. I’m also getting the Spanish Channel, but Carmelita is really beginning to sound whiny. So what if Ricardo left you?! There are other fish in the sea, sister!

Flash forward. There is some 12 year-old with a chip on her shoulder coming down the path. Finally! “Heeeelllpp!” I say through a thoroughly rusted shut jaw. You know what she says? “Oh my, look at that poor metal creature! Hurry, Scarecrow, lets see what’s the matter!” Oh, she saw the oil! Ahh, at last I can move my legs! “Hi, thanks for helping me, who the heck are you?” I say ,trying to sound more dignified than I feel. “Oh well I’m Dorothy and this is my dog Toto and I was in Kansas and then there was…” I zone out a little, absently checking for more rusty joints. The girl is rambling about some freak tornado and her house…oh wait, her house? “Hey! Was that you that dropped the house on the Witch’s sister?” I say. “You’d better hightail it out of here! She’s pretty ticked about that!” But nevermind my concern. The kid is still rambling on, tapping her glittery shoe on the pavement, and stroking the little rat-like dog in her basket. Hmm, red glitter shoes? That’s a style I’m certain went out eons ago. The Scarecrow is just standing there, hanging onto her every word. You can tell this one isn’t the brightest ray of sunshine, if you know what I mean.

But whatever. All I know is I need to get out of here and fast, before it starts to rain again. I turned my head and scanned for a weather station. Ah. “…and it looks like a lovely day in Oz this afternoon. Bright skies and perfect weather for a picnic – enjoy it today, folks! It looks like there’s a cold front headed in from East Oz tomorrow night…” I tune out. Looks like I’m safe for now. Might as well tag along with Halfwit and the Scarecrow. She says they’re headed to Oz. I was on my way there anyway.

We walk for a few hours and what’s-her-face with the ankle biting little dog decides it’s a wonderful idea to cut through the enchanted forest. Oh, this is not good. I figure I’m still better off in a group than by myself though, so into the forest we go. We took five solid steps into the woods and the trees start hurling apples at us! I drag the brat and her stuffed buddy out of that mess as quickly as possible, before she gets us into any more trouble. Suddenly, we hear growling. The dog starts yapping in a very annoying way. I was thinking the trees were starting to get cranky again but then, out of the brush come a big sniveling beast that basically scared himself with his own ‘meow’. A Lion, he calls himself. More like a big scaredy-cat. The best part is, he took one look at us and burst into song. I hate when that happens. There really is no graceful way to get someone to stop singing once they’ve started. Oh great… he’s joining our group. Man, I hope no one sees me with these losers.

***

Meanwhile, I hear laughing. It’s not really a cheery sound, more like an evil cackling. The Witch who seems to have an unhealthy attachment to Dorothy’s shoes is flying around. “I’ll get you my pretty and your little dog too!” Yeah well, I wish you’d take the dog. It’s nibbling my ankles and I’d rather not be dented, thank you very much.

***

Now we are walking through the forest and I think we’re lost. I look up and see a giant pink bubble hovering over the ground in front of us. “Huaaah!” I say. I grab ahold of Dorothy before she walks right into it. Then the bubble pops and standing before us, in a most irritating, time-consuming way, is the most ridiculous creature I have ever laid eyes on. A giant pink snowball, no, a cupcake. Then the cupcake talks. “Dorothy, do not remove your shoes,” says the cupcake, “if you wish to return home, you must not take them off or give them to anyone, is that clear?” “Yes, Glinda!” squeaks Dorothy. And then, as quickly as the cupcake named Glinda came, the cupcake named Glinda went. We all look at each other. What is with these ugly shoes?

After a little while of talking to this Lion, I can tell he’s about as useful as a bucket with a hole in the bottom. He is just slowing us down. As we were standing in the clearing arguing about which way to go, a guy in a truly ugly maroon jacket carrying a battered old suitcase walks up to Dorothy and taps her on the shoulder. ‘Excuse me, Miss. I see you are traveling and I noticed you are wearing heels and I myself am a wandering shoe salesman. Might I interest you in some of my more comfortable wares?” “Oh my!” goes Dorothy, “I haven’t any money. I’m so sorry.” “That’s okay,” he says cheerfully. “I’ll trade you for what you’ve got on. Red glitter is so last season, I’m sure I’ve got something you’ll like better.” “Oh, no thank you sir,” Dorothy says, “My new friend Glinda said to keep them on.” The salesman throws up his arms exasperatedly. “Nevermind then! Go on! Look ridiculous. See if I care.” And then he walks off, mumbling agitatedly to himself about fashion and that “…if she wants those shoes so bad, she can get them herself…ugly anyway.” I suspect foul play but I ignore it for now. At least the guy wasn’t singing. The Scarecrow and the Lion haggle for a minute then decide to take the beaten path. Thank goodness, I can’t handle many more shortcuts.

***

Off in the distance, I can see the Emerald City. We are so close I can almost feel the heart beating in my chest. I hope it isn’t too loud once I get it! I can just imagine the ruckus it would cause. Now we just have to get through this giant field of flowers. Wait, where did this come from? Then I hear it. The cackle. The cackle belonging to one very cranky old witch. She points her finger and there are more flowers and then she flies away on that awful broom of hers. What is with that thing anyway? It’s for household cleaning, hello? And the girl is picking flowers! Not another distraction, come on! “Oh Tin Man! Come smell these!” she says, “They’re just so lovely!” Then she starts to frolic like she hasn’t got a care in the world. The other two are following her, too. Might as well…oh…wow…I’m starting to feel…I look over at Dorothy. She is swooning into a dead faint. The Lion is facedown in the flowers, drooling. Scarecrow is down…oh…no…

***

I blearily squeak open my eyes. It’s snowing. There’s that pink witch again, standing over us, sparkling, while we rust on the ground…well I’m really the only one rusting but that’s beside the point. She sounds all pleased that she woke us up. Look, I’m as grateful as the next guy, but was there another, non-corrosive way to wake us? Does no one understand what it’s like to be paralyzed? Ugh.

***

Our ragtag group finally makes it into the city and it looks like there’s some sort of festival going on. People are singing and running around. Luckily, for the first time in her miserable life, Dorothy isn’t immediately distracted by something shiny and we continue up to the castle gates to see the Wizard. The townspeople said he would be the guy to ask if I want a heart and I’m all about getting a heart as soon as possible.

The large, heavy-looking, green castle gates are closed so I reach out a hand and knock. A little peephole opens up and some wiseacre guard is running his mouth about not letting us in and are we affiliated with a witch? “Heck no!” I say, “She’s been driving us crazy for days.” I screw up every bit of patience I’ve got left and ask him again. “Will you please let us in? It really is a matter of great importance. We have to see the Wizard.” He yells, “Orders are nobody can see the Great Oz! Not nobody, not nohow!” and the peephole slams shut. Dorothy starts to whine, and so does her dog. The other two are not helping either. I sigh, tune into WOZ105.2 and listen. “…It looks like a great turnout at the annual hot air balloon festival this year! I hear tell there’s a private party in the castle tonight, by invitation only…” That is all I needed to hear. I knock again. The peephole opens and the rude little pipsqueak guard sticks his head out. “What do you want?” he bellows. “Uh, we are here for the party,” I say, “the private party with the Wizard tonight?” “Oh!” he exclaims, “Why didn’t you say so? You’re a little early! Come in, come in!” Piece of cake.

There is a whirlwind of activity. There are people dressed in green running around singing, preparing for the party and the entire place is done in nauseating shades of emerald green. I ask someone if they would give us directions to the Wizard’s office. The lady starts speaking in rapid Spanish. (Thank goodness for the Spanish Channel!) I lead our group down a hallway and take a left. Did she say left? Oh well, I think we found it. The large sign over the predictably green door reads, “THE WIZARD’S PRIVATE OFFICE” so I’m assuming we are in the right place.

The Cowardly Lion surprises us all by knocking first, and then ruins the moment by darting around behind me to hide. “ENTER,” says the Wizard from inside the room. Everyone takes a deep breath, I push open the door and we walk inside. Out of nowhere, a giant disembodied head appears and starts yelling at us for showing up unannounced. There’s a lot of fire and almost immediately, the Lion lets go of his hiding spot behind me. I’m metal; I hope he didn’t burn himself. Dorothy starts yammering, “Oh we need this and we need that,” she chatters. “SILENCE!” yells the head. “YOU ARE NOT YET WORTHY!” I want to attack this guy. I spend days wondering around with this lot and I’m not worthy?! What the heck! The head says he wants us to bring him the crazy witch’s broomstick. Oh I knew that thing was trouble. Then he yells at us to ‘be gone’. At this rate, I am never going to get a heart.

So away we go. Away from the green castle, away from the green city, down the ugly yellow road again.

***

Why does everyone insist on playing travel games? I, for one, would like a little bit of silence. I am no ones nursemaid and I am not trying to entertain anyone. If any one else suggests I do the robot one more time, I’m going to give them a ‘gentle love tap’ with my arguably heavy metal arm. 

Luckily, I got some quick directions from that nice Spanish lady on the way out of the city so we can’t be too far. Ahh, a sign. “I’D GO BACK IF I WERE YOU!!!!!!” Oh, we must be getting closer. I can smell something terrible, like sulfur and brimstone, and there is no one else around save a mutant monkey or two here and there. We are avoiding them as best we can.

I get an inkling we aren’t alone. I look up. I was right. There are dozens of those creepy mutant monkeys swooping down on us from the sky. Did I mention I’m not really a fan of heights? I’m really not a fan of heights. A monkey swoops down and grabs Dorothy, then flies off with her and her yappy mutt. Scarecrow tried to save her, but two monkeys grabbed him and pulled the poor guy apart. I ducked and dodged a few monkeys and ran for cover. The cat hid almost immediately. The monkeys seem to be only interested in Dorothy because once they got her they flew off. Well this is really inconvenient. The Lion and I put Scarecrow back together and find a good hiding place where we could see the Witch’s castle. It got dark quickly. It was humid and I knew I would rust if we just sat there, so I got the guys and we decided a rescue was in order. I’m not going to say I was particularly fond of the girl, but it seemed wrong to leave her to be attacked for her strange choice of footwear. We found a bridge across the moat and I had to basically drag the cat across it. I hate heights but I am a can on a mission. Scarecrow looked too dumb to be worried. Once we got across, we knocked out a few guards and put on their clothes. All we had to do was rescue the girl, steal the broom, and get back to the Emerald City…how hard could it be?

We marched around importantly for a while and then snuck off to try and find the girl. I was halfway through another hallway that looked the same as the other five hundred hallways when I heard the yapping. Dorothy’s little dog was nipping at our ankles in a way that would make a herding dog howl with delight as it corralled us down the hallway to a door. I guess he escaped. I put two and two together and tried to open the door. It was locked. I could hear Dorothy inside, sniveling about missing Kansas again. I pounded, I pried, I tried everything to open the door, but nothing worked. I heaved a sigh and leaned against the wall next to the door to think. The door opened by itself. Well at least something was working out well. Dorothy rushed out, still wearing those red shoes of hers, and made a big fuss about the dog. “Oh how clever you are, Toto! I’m ever so glad to see you, Toto! Oh, Toto, I love you so!” She went on and on. I, however, knew we had to move.

We thundered out of the corridor and onto a landing and there she was in all her green, creepy glory. The Wicked Witch. Holding the broom in her creepy green hand. She started in on her evil monologue, the one the bad guys always do right before they’re thwarted. As she was talking, I was looking around wildly for some sort of escape. But an escape we didn’t need. Toto the rat-dog ran out behind the witch while she rambled about killing us and keeping the shoes like a lunatic, and overturned a torch. The broom caught on fire. That distracted the witch from her monologue quite nicely. But unfortunately, the broom we needed was going up in flames. We looked on in horror. Then, Dorothy finally did something useful and tossed a bucket of water all over the witch and the broom to put out the fire. The fire went out but strangely, the witch started to freak out. I was already stressing out before, but now I was just dumbfounded. “I’m melting!” Screeched the witch “I’m melting, I’m meeellltiiinnggg!! Ohhhhh... What a world! What a world!" Then there was a great deal of smoke and the witch was gone. Apparently, there was someone else who was allergic to water. For the first time, I was grateful all I ever do is rust myself paralyzed.

The mutant monkey guards came flying in from all directions. Uh oh…they are probably not going to be thrilled that we offed their mistress…But they were thrilled. Apparently the witch was kind of a mean boss and she never gave sick days or holiday leave. Not even a decent dental plan. No wonder they let us have the broomstick so easily. We quickly got the yapping hero of a dog, the broomstick and found the exit. We were finally on our way again. One step closer to a heart for me.

***

The second time we tried knocking on the big green gates of the Emerald Castle, the guard was kind enough to let us in without a fuss. Dorothy and her dog, Scarecrow, Lion and I marched right on through the crowds to the Wizard’s office. I knocked. “ENTER,” said the voice coming out of the office. We did. I let Dorothy do the talking. “Please, sir. We've done what you told us. We brought you the broomstick of the Wicked Witch of the West. We melted her!” she said. “Oh, you liquidated her, eh? Very resourceful!” echoed the Wizard. As she talked, I looked around. It was a pretty bare office, if you ask me. Bare green floors, no desk or chairs, no pictures in frames…only a silvery green curtain hanging over one side of the room. A curtain that was hanging slightly askew. There was a man back there, and old guy, maybe fifty or sixty years old, dressed in green talking into a microphone. It dawned on me that he was the voice of the disembodied head that was currently making excuses for not granting our wishes. I got angry. All that schlepping around in the midst of idiots and certain death for a broom and this old guy was telling me I couldn’t have a heart?! What?! I poked Dorothy and she looked over. “PAY NO ATTENTION TO THE MAN BEHIND THE CURTAIN” boomed the old guy/giant-disembodied-head. Too late. We marched right over there.

The old gentleman had a rather sudden change of attitude and became delightfully apologetic. “I’m so sorry,” he started, “I just don’t have the power to give you each what you seek.” I about lost it. Then Dorothy started to cry. The man shifted from foot to foot looking uncomfortable. He spoke, “dear child, don’t cry so. I was stranded here years ago when my hot air balloon drifted too far out and I’m all right. And look here Scarecrow, you made it here with your wits. Lion? You are rather courageous indeed for coming all the way here. And Tin Man…” He looked at me, “you want a heart. You don't know how lucky you are not to have one. Hearts will never be practical until they can be made unbreakable. You must have a heart if you cared enough to rescue Dorothy and help your new friends here.” I looked him in the eye. “I still want one.” I said. He nodded solemnly. Then the crazy old man handed the Scarecrow a diploma. He handed the Lion a medal for valor. Then he turned to me again. “And to you, Tin Man, I give a heart shaped watch.” It ticked loudly. I took it from him and listed to the sound of my heartbeat. Tick, tick, tick…I finally had it. A heart.

***

The next thing I know, we are all outside in the castle courtyard together, saying goodbye. The Wizard has hastily appointed me, the Scarecrow and the Lion rulers, and is taking Dorothy by the hand and she’s about to get into the basket of the biggest hot air balloon I’ve ever seen. I don’t envy that trip. Dorothy turns to us. “Goodbye my friends,” she says as she climbs inside the basket of the balloon. “I’ll miss you so much. Oh Scarecrow, I think I'll miss you most of all.” It figures. After all I’ve done for the wretch.  
Then that little dog of hers leaps out and she jumps out to try and grab him. The balloon rises – without Dorothy. She grabs the troublesome dog but the balloon is too high for her to get back in. “Come back! Come back!” She hollers, “Don't leave without me! Come back!” “I can't come back! I don't know how it works! Good-bye folks!” calls the Wizard as he continues to rise higher and higher. Dorothy starts to cry. Again. The pink bubble appears. Cupcake Glinda always seems to show up when things are getting interesting. Cupcake rambles for a while. The gist of the situation is that Dorothy can click her heels together a few times and go home. She could have done this ages ago but cupcake neglected to tell her.

After yet another tearful – meaning rusty – goodbye, Dorothy clicks her heels and is gone. Scarecrow, Lion and I look at each other. I know they’re hoping she got home okay too.

***

It’s been a week since loudmouth and her little rat left and there’s nothing to do. Sure the Munchkins are noisily bursting into song every chance they get, but nothing serious. Lion went back to the forest to be king and Scarecrow is actually scaring crows now. Or at least that’s what I hear. I myself am walking around aimlessly. I have a heart now but nothing to do with it. I’m really just hoping it doesn’t rain.

I hear creaking. I looked to my left and there she is. Tall, shiny, and beautiful. A Tin Woman. “Oh my! What are you doing out here in a field!” I exclaim, and then I thought better of it. “The Munchkins are afraid you’re evil or something and they’re ignoring you. Aren’t they?” I say, carefully oiling her jaw. “How did you know?” she replies. I sighed deeply, finished oiling her arm and said, “You wouldn’t believe me if I told you.”

**Author's Note:**

> This was a short-story I wrote for class a while ago and I though why not post it. its completed, and most likely will not have a sequel. Hope you enjoyed reading.
> 
> XXX-Nox


End file.
